Completely Immobilized

You know how when you watch ER or Grey’s and someone always comes hobbling into the ER all bloody and cut up, looking like they’re about to lose a limb or something? Yeah, well, Saturday night, that was none other than yours truly. And no, this isn’t the hydrocodone talking (well okay, so maybe it is the hydrocodone, but this really is a true story).

So we got a babysitter Saturday night so we could go out with friends to one of our favorite restaurants to enjoy a delicious meal on the lake, watching the boats go by at the marina and the sunset. Fabulous meal, fabulous company, and to top it off, I’d bought a super cute new dress that I wore that night too. We really took our time eating and chatting and after over 2 hours sitting at our table, paid our bill and decided we would dash into the bar for a drink and sit outside on the Adirondack chairs and continue chatting and enjoying our evening on the lake. So as the husbands were in the bar grabbing drinks, Cresta and I walked around to the back to reach the Adirondack chairs. Now, to get there, you have to walk along a stone path, and unbeknownst to me, there was apparently a hole of some kind and since I was chatting and not paying attention, totally busted my rear end on the pathway. Let me interject here and tell you that this is very uncharacteristic of me. I am generally not a clumsy person, nor do these things happen to me often so I was a bit shocked. So I got up, dusted myself up, and went to sit down. Pretty much immediately, I said “I feel like I need to throw up and pass out.” And Cresta said “OMG are you okay? You are completely white” Looking around for an inconspicuous place to be sick, I sort of found one and quietly threw up 3 times behind some bushes, and sat on the curb trying not to pass out. Meanwhile, Cresta is calling her husband on his cell in the bar, telling he and Mr. Monogram to hurry and also bring some ice water and lots of napkins. When I return to the chairs where Cresta was sitting, it is then that we notice my entire knee and leg is covered in blood, and blood is just pulsating out of my knee. We can’t even see how bad the cut or scrape is b/c there’s so much blood. So after some back and forth debate, we all decided I needed to go to the ER.

So 5 hours, 3 x-rays, and 5 stitches later, we finally return home from the ER at 2:30 a.m. The really humorous part about all this is that when they registered me at the hospital, they said they were putting me on the “fast track.” So the fast track? NOT. SO. MUCH. All in all, I have to say, this was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. We literally saw my entire knee bones and joints inside my leg. It was as if someone had ripped at a piece of steak with a blunt butter knife and it also hit my knee bones. So I’m in some pain and while I’m supposed to be in a knee immobilizer (b/c my injury is conveniently in the worst spot possible…top of the knee right where it bends), that just wasn’t going to work out what with me having two mini monograms that can already outrun me, so I’m opting for wrapping it instead of completely immobilizing it. But now you know where I’ve been. Laid up at home, not supposed to be moving my leg, especially bending it. By the way, do you know how difficult it is to go to the little girls room without bending your knee? Well it’s virtually impossible. I’ll be back soon though, I promise.