28 July, 2006

Friday Afternoon Etiquette

If you read my “100 Things about me” list, you will have read #63 where I quite honestly admit “I am somewhat of an etiquette snob.” Personally, I think more people should be a little more particular about etiquette than they are in this day in age and I just can not stand rude and inconsiderate people (hence my list on the sidebar that says “Everyone Should Own” and includes Emily Post’s book of Etiquette). So let me just throw this out there for you and you can tell me if I’m being too harsh. Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that someone you knew who had a very important job was being promoted to an enormous position in their company and moving far away. Now, this person obviously could not have gotten this tremendous job without the hard work and dedication of her staff and employees. And a party is thrown in her honor (as it should), to celebrate this promotion and then a second party is being thrown for her husband and children as a “thank you and good luck, we’ll miss you!” type send off. People have changed plans, cancelled appointments and preparations have gone into this send-off for the husband and children, only for him to say he’s “too tired” and has “too much to do” a few hours before the party so it’s cancelled. And so after all these years of socializing and making small talk and even friends in the company, and after all these people have helped his wife get this probably seven figure position, he just cancels. Just like that, at the last minute. And no one has the opportunity to say goodbye or wish them well, and he himself, NEVER says how much this all means to him or thanks the handfuls of people who have supported his wife to secure such a high position in the company, and he just acts like it’s time to wash his hands of everyone and move on. No thank you, no nothing. Like it’s really no big deal. Now, am I being an etiquette snob, or is this truly as rude as I think it is? I personally see this as very rude and disrespectful to all the people who rearranged schedules to be there, and genuinely wanted to say goodbye and thank you to the entire family for their support, and he acts like he just can’t even be bothered with them for a mere hour that they were all doing FOR HIM. And then the fact that his wife doesn’t just say “you know what, suck it up. These people are doing this for you and the kids so you should at least come for an hour to show your appreciation” is just as much as a slap in the face if you ask me. So I’m anxious to hear what your opinion on this is as well because it’s had me riled up for quite a few days now. And even though I know this has absolutely nothing to do with one of my many “good things” and I haven’t even thrown out a Martha-ism today or anything creative for that matter, I will remind you that this is still my blog and I’m choosing to blog about one of my “100 things.” So there (can you tell this has hit a nerve with me?). Sorry, I’m totally not trying to be rude though.

12 Comments:

Anne said...

That is so rude. You are not being an etiquette snob at all. I would be so annoyed.

Chelsea/Mom said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog - I love yours too! I'm writing a feature for The Family Groove, the site on which I write my blog, about all things monogrammed, so you gotta check it out - it will run in November, so we have a while, but still....

Keep it up, Momma!

- Chelsea
www.rumymother.blogspot.com

Casey said...

I agree, that is very rude.

maggi said...

Rude does not even cover it! Someone should send the husband a copy of Emily Post Book of Etiquette as a going away gift.

Monogram Momma said...

Oooh Maggi, I absolutely LOVE your train of thought! And it reminds me that I was once asked to be in the wedding of a girl I didn't know and who seriously lacked in the manners department so for an engagement gift I actually DID send her the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette Book! *evil, evil laugh* It's a good thing she didn't "get" it.

Maureen said...

All the time and effort and thought going into something like that is enough to get my blood boiling some. Very rude.

Anonymous said...

it would appear that something happened with his wife, perhaps a family fight? I would feel sorry for him, as making a choice like that has to be embarassing

ADP said...

It is true that we never know what is actually going on in the family. But that being said, my husband and I have gotten in some whoppers before we had to attend something and we always make it through. Those weren't even parties for us. I find it incredibly rude that he cancelled hours before, that is a slap in the face.

Tod said...

I have to agree 100% that the husband's behavior is totally rude and anyone who would do that should be slapped up side their head...It does not matter how "tired" you are; you agreed to the party, suck it up and enjoy yourself...

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine this: that there was a big arguement/fight between husband and wife. If her promotion is moving the whole family that means he is being uprooted from his. And I have seen the stresss of moving (even within a city) tear a marriage apart.

What he did to you and others was perhaps rude but it sure seems like something major was going on that drove his behavior. Life is short. Try not to stay mad long.

Preppy Kiki said...

What a bummer, that you all didn't get to say good bye. I agree with adp, you never know what goes on in people’s private lives. You went to sleep at night knowing that you did your best. If you want to send them off on a good note, a signed card by everyone saying good bye would be nice, similar to a end of the year book signing.

mo said...

We had a good friend/neighbor that pulled something similar. This couple w/kids was moving out of our neighborhood to another town nearby. A number of families that socialized with them planned a evening b-que to wish them good luck although we would continue seeing them. The point was to show them how much we would miss having them in the neighborhood. We all booked babysitters for the evening and had food prepared etc. when we rec'd a phone call early in the day that "it didn't really work for them." I thought it was very rude as I think your situation is very rude. We wanted them to know how much they meant to us and they just didn't get it! They actually mentioned "maybe we could reschedule!!!" It was never rescheduled and the sad part is that they moved and don't keep up with anyone much anymore. Maybe they ended up feeling badly about it - although I doubt it.