19 August, 2008

Tuesday Thoughts: Facebook Friend or Foe?

Honestly, I am completely disinterested in blogging right now because I still have one child at home who doesn't start school for another week and I'm exhausted from staying up too late watching the Olympics. WHHHHHHHHHHHHEN will the day get here! Anyhow, I wanted to throw a question out there to all my fellow Crackbook I mean, Facebook addicts....


Q. What do you do when someone requests your "friendship" but you aren't exactly fond of them? Let's say you haven't been friends for something like 14 years to be exact and this person is suddenly crawling out of the wood works to try to get her old friends back after pretty much ditching everyone and turning into the spoiled brat that perhaps she always was. And lets also say that you know this person just wants to "befriend" you (let's get real and use this term "friend" on Facebook loosely, okay?), just to be nosey.


Discuss...

25 Comments:

The Doctor's Wife said...

Been there, wondered that. My take is this...if you didn't seek them out and you haven't seen them in years and don't intend to see them in years then you just don't accept their friend request. If you never talk to them anyway, it's not like they're going to call you out and ask why you didn't friend them...

Cloggsy said...

I have this one dude on facebook that I really don't know how he knows me. I keep ignoring him and then deleting his request, but every few weeks he requests my friendship again. I'm sure it's because he uses that hotmail connection thing (where they check if anyone in your hotmail contact list is on facebook and requests them as friends). I have no idea who he is.

So, my opinion is to just keep ignoring her. She'll get the point. As mean as it sounds, it's better than emailing her to say you don't want to accept.

a. said...

I think we all have "friends" like that - I am just waiting for someone to "find" me. I might just ignore them.

lisagh said...

Exactly why I stopped using Facebook. I couldn't bear to "deny" a friend request (it felt so mean), but really didn't want people I didn't like/know well snooping in my bidness!

I am on the Anti-Facebook team.

P said...

Just turn her friendship down. If you haven't had anything to do with her in 14 years, then I wouldn't even worry about what it might look like or what she thinks. Just turn it down and move on with your life. It'll feel so good:)

ModernBelle said...

So funny you should bring this up because it just happened to me. I went ahead & accepted the friend request because I figured it couldn't do much harm - she doesn't leave in the same state & I don't have to respond to any of her messages. The real question is can you be Facebook friends without being friends in real life? To add an additional layer - everyone at my work is on Facebook. Do you friend your boss? What about the senior VP of your department? Emily Post needs to amend her books on manners to include such important nuances!

AB at www.thismodernbelle.blogspot.com

Southern Mom said...

I had this happen and went ahead and said yes. I did not want her to have the satisfaction of saying that she had put it all behind her and I was holding a grudge, being immature, etc! However, I know she is totally being nosy!

TCP said...

I have a similar friend request sitting in my account right now while I try to decide how to handle it...I've felt guilted into friending a few (work) people and I think I'm officially over it. No more guilt-friending from now on!

Petunia said...

Good question! I think a lot of people are nosey and/or just want to put a lot of "friends" on their list!
If you didn't part on good terms, then I would say just click the ignore button. I don't mind adding people that I had just lost contact with or just haven't seen in forever. But, if we had parted ways in an uncomfortable manner, then I wouldn't add them just because they asked unless you are truly interested in rekindling a friendship with this person.

DBN said...

Accept the friendship and put them on "Limited profile." Easy!

DBN said...

Oh also, you can get some modern day Emily Post at "What would Emily Post do?" by Anna Post.

http://annapost.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Lauren said...

My decision is simple when this happens. If I want to snoop around their profile, I add them. If not, I deny their request.

Enjoy your week!

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

I was all about myspace a year or two ago and had the same situation come up several times. I just decline them or ignore them.

xo AMS xo said...

I've run into this dilemma as well. At first I couldn't bear to not accept someone's request. Eventually, I figured out that you can accept someone's request, and then later remove them from your friend list without them knowing (it won't notify them that they've been "de-friended" by you). However, you won't appear on their friend list anymore and they won't be able to access your page. I know that sounds awful, and pretty cowardly, but I've had to resort to that on a few occasions. I think in the future, I will just "ignore" friend requests that I'm not 100% comfortable with.
Best of luck with your "friending" decision!

Monogram Momma said...

WOW! Apparently this is a hot topic! I have to say I am bit relieved I am not the only one with this issue. I don't want to be rude and all out refuse her, but on the other hand I'm thinking, "is she serious?!" I was VERY reluctant to get on FB and now that I am, I have really loved connecting with old College friends and sorority sisters. That part has been GREAT! So my girlfriend and I makde up some rules, so to speak... I will only request/accept friendship of my ACTUAL, current day friends. or 2) YI will accept your friendship request if you were genuinely NICE in school, or 3) I will accept your friendship request if you were completely SHUNNED and I feel bad for you because you need lots of facebook friends for validation b/c you were so scarred for life & had such a different High School experience as I did. I think these are all valid, however I did not expect to hear from someone who used to be a friend then married a guy I used to date. What? I left that part out? Um, yeah.

I think she will have to continue to sit in my "holding bin" as I like to call it. However, thank you for that tidbit that I can accept someone on limited profile view!! That is excellent news!

Kara said...

My friends and I always say it's a list of friends, not people who wish they were your friend. It sounds snotty but that's how we determine who to accept.

Monogram Momma said...

dbn: How do I put one specific person on "limited profile"? I've been trying to figure this out all morning!

Monogramchick said...

I'd love to know how to do the limited profile thing too...for me, ignoring them feels so mean, but really it is your facebook page and you get to be friends with those whom you choose. I have been told that the person does not know if you ignore them.

GroveGals said...

ignore...I have one person who keeps reminding me but i ignore and delte again...

preppy little dress said...

i would say ignore, but one benefit of saying yes is that you can see his/her photos. it's not like they are going to be sending you personal messages all the time or anything? so it's a tough call...either way you'll live! ha! ha! i know - crackbook is addicting, seriously!

Petunia said...

MM ~~ I gave your blog the diamond award! :-) Have a great day!

Rick Rack and Pom Poms said...

Friends like that are better left alone.

Susan in the Psych Ward said...

OHHHH...I was pondering that not to long ago. I joined facebook just to see pics of a friend... then all of a sudden people were contacting me to be their friend. I knew most of the people in high school and it's been kinda fun catching up with old friends. I don't think I have come across anyone I didn't like back then... hmmmm maybe I'm the nosy one!!

Jillian, Inc. said...

Tha's happened to me and I just ignore the request.

Abbie said...

I've definitely been there! I say ignore the request. If you're not going to see them around much, then you won't have them asking you why you didn't accept the request. Sometimes it is easier than a face-to-face because they will have forgotten over time, and the confrontation isn't worth it.