tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post1007488530113368194..comments2023-10-11T10:03:39.288-04:00Comments on monogram momma: Reader Requests: Breaking up Is Hard to DoMonogram Mommahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395592127867073467noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-8596021853558309112007-06-18T23:28:00.000-04:002007-06-18T23:28:00.000-04:00MM -- a wise blog pointed my way to this post. Am...MM -- a wise blog pointed my way to this post. Amazingly, I was on the phone tonight with a friend who has been agonizing over the same sort of situation for the last three years. It was wonderful to be able to send her this link and give her some positive, supportive, and USEFUL advice -- I've bookmarked the post for later reference as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you!Mary Ann Phillipshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09839748141591508095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-48392569486187159022007-05-14T11:08:00.000-04:002007-05-14T11:08:00.000-04:00I'm so glad I found this blog (subscribed! :-))I a...I'm so glad I found this blog (subscribed! :-))<BR/>I am going through this right now.<BR/>MM- your post was so welcome and thank you so much for the books!<BR/>Also all the comments from everybody, this is painful, and I'm trying not to whine, for the sake of my kids, and AND for the friends I have left. But the fact that I'm not alone is <STRONG>immensely </STRONG>helpful.<BR/>This is validating and healing, THANK YOU. :-)BRyanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01805606793435194863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-66797020566105805102007-02-02T09:37:00.000-05:002007-02-02T09:37:00.000-05:00Hello...I was pointed this way by K-Style. She men...Hello...I was pointed this way by K-Style. She mentioned this post over at my blog, when she read I am experiencing something very similar. Only in my case, it was me who chose to stop. I've been the 'group secretary' as another blogger described. And I had enough. I took a wait and see approach. And you know what? Nothing! Not one phone call, sms, email or even a 'hello' on MSN. And these were two people I've shared my innermost heart with. I'm trying to move on. It's hard but getting easier. Thanks for sharing this!!purplefuguehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12272465055994687963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-25013815875479207982007-01-21T09:29:00.000-05:002007-01-21T09:29:00.000-05:00MM you are a complete sweetie, and your advice is ...MM you are a complete sweetie, and your advice is spot on.<br /><br />Reading Anonymous's story and your own post made me feel so sad. It raises the question I have often asked myself at the pre-prep and prep school gates. Why don't some women just grow up and leave the teenage behaviour behind? Why are some so catty and cruel? And it really hurts to be excluded - it is so painful.<br /><br />Dear Anon, if they would treat you so they are shallow twits, and simply not worthy of you. I hope this is just a silly period of misunderstanding and that things will get back on track; if not, protect yourself and just walk away. Most of us have been there and <i>we</i> support you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-8698813774495284712007-01-18T12:15:00.000-05:002007-01-18T12:15:00.000-05:00Anonymous, you are very welcome. As I said, I trul...Anonymous, you are very welcome. As I said, I truly know how hard it is what you're going through right now. No one likes feeling like they've been ousted and being made the odd-man out while your stuck at home watching reruns of "House hunters" and they're out sipping fun little cocktails. And as my sister told me, i will pass along to you too. Getting over a friendship break-up requires sort of a mourning period. So let yourself have a day or mourning and even crying over it, but then allow yourself to move forward. Self-reflection is always good, and something I also do a lot of when I hit these road bumps in life, which I know is something you said you were doing too. <br /><br />Hang in there and know you've got a support system.Monogram Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04395592127867073467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-51696353392546660302007-01-18T06:34:00.000-05:002007-01-18T06:34:00.000-05:00Thank you Preppy Rider, apparently I need some new...Thank you Preppy Rider, apparently I need some new friends. As I get older and more involved socially and with the community, I seem to know more people but I don't have any more friends, real friends. I have NEVER contributed to a blog or had an on-line friend, but the advice and sense that I am not alone has been amazing. Perhaps this is a good time of self-reflection to see if I am contributing to the demise of friendships in any way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-22341484314639557392007-01-17T14:30:00.000-05:002007-01-17T14:30:00.000-05:00Well said! I always say that life is too short to...Well said! I always say that life is too short to bother with people that don't like you when there are plenty of people that do!a.https://www.blogger.com/profile/15072699457424749576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-64204199512291880012007-01-17T12:10:00.000-05:002007-01-17T12:10:00.000-05:00I hate when people are hurt by their friends. This...I hate when people are hurt by their friends. This story brought me straight back to middle school and that's not a place I want to go back to!<br /><br />It's sad that even though people grow up and mature they sometimes still behave as if they are 13. <br /><br />Great advice though MM!Paige Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563727339816257511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-77257103995007933242007-01-17T10:28:00.000-05:002007-01-17T10:28:00.000-05:00PR, that is SUCH a sweet thing for you to say!!PR, that is SUCH a sweet thing for you to say!!Monogram Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04395592127867073467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-77656696134854948832007-01-17T09:38:00.000-05:002007-01-17T09:38:00.000-05:00I am so sad for Anonymous... if she lives near me,...I am so sad for Anonymous... if she lives near me, I will befriend her - goodness knows, we can all use great girlfriends! <br /><br />Fabulous advice MM and great books/resources!Marissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15498006741901444489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-51618962109754817072007-01-17T05:49:00.000-05:002007-01-17T05:49:00.000-05:00Dear Sweet MM -
I have read and re-read your ent...Dear Sweet MM - <br /><br />I have read and re-read your entry and the following postings addressing my situation. You have some fabulous insight, as do your followers. Clearly you put much time and thought into your response, more time actually than my friends have given me in a while, and for that, I am appreciative. While it is correct in saying that sometimes, a "friend" doesn't deserve all the wonders and loyalty you can bring to the table, it still hurts when they detach from you. Yes, my head knows that is true but my heart still gets sad when I am, once again, home with the children while they are out having fun adult time. I am raising three daughters and trying hard to ensure their self confidence enough to forge their own path and not be a follower. Being a good example is the best way to do that. They go to an all girl school and will soon discover the biggest "playground" exists in their teen years. Perhaps some self-reflection might give me perspective on how to be a better friend and, if necessary, I will use that knowledge as I forge ahead, with a few old friends still standing strong, and a few new ones yet to be discovered. Thank you again for your words of wisdom and those of your readers. I feel better just knowing I am not alone in this experience.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-68088287114209679232007-01-16T18:51:00.000-05:002007-01-16T18:51:00.000-05:00MM...as always YOU are a wonderful friend. You sh...MM...as always YOU are a wonderful friend. You show compassion, understanding, kindness & friendship in your advice and in sharing your own personal experiences with your reader.<br /><br />I thought I was the only person to go through such a thing, but obviously I'm one of many. I, too, was shunned by a group of friends. It was great to reconnect with these people after everyone finished college and came back home to raise their families. My DH and I hosted the annual Christmas Party for this group at our home each year. It was something I looked forward to all year.<br /><br />DH and I still don't know what we did to be shunned by the Ring Leader couple, but now no one in the group speaks to us. There is one who acts as if nothing is wrong; however she has never called me since "the split". We are no longer invited to any couples functions and I don't know who hosts the Christmas Party now. <br /><br />There was a time that DHs dad was battling cancer, we were remodeling a home and trying to raise a child. We didn't have time or energy to be social at the drop of a hat as we always had before. We preferred to be home. That's when we started noticing a problem. We couldn't afford to take trips and spend $ like the Ring Leaders. I guess that got us booted out of the circle because they do not acknowledge our existence in any way. The kicker is that they lived down the block away from us until just recently. They were also our godparents to our child. I tried to call and email the Ring Leader female to see what had happened, but she never returned my contacts. DH and I even tried to set up a meeting with us & them, but they made excuses every time.<br /><br />I guess it just proves that some things never change. This same behavior was exhibited by the female Ring Leader in high school. She socialized with those who would advance her purpose whether it was social, political..whatever. I was silly enough to think that she and my other friends had left high school behind. I found out that after 20 years it is status quo.<br /><br />All of this was toxic to me and my DH until we made up our minds to move on. We don't dwell on what we lost; instead we are thankful that we didn't get sucked into a situation that could have hurt us and our marriage.<br /><br />So, to your reader....it is a hard thing to go through, but hopefully you will know that many of us have dealt with the same thing. You can move on and make new friends...true friends.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-41880109475065332112007-01-16T14:14:00.000-05:002007-01-16T14:14:00.000-05:00MM, very interesting post and I also liked your ad...MM, very interesting post and I also liked your advice.<br />I'm 37 and I've just learned over the last few years to not be so critical of others (mainly friends). It's almost impossible to like EVERYTHING about someone all the time. I moved into a new neighborhood almost two years ago and have developed some of the greatest friendships I've ever had. There are 4 of us who are very close and one thing that has been great (so far) is that we don't seem to get petty with one another. 2 or 3 of us will get together when the other one can't and it's okay. We appreciate each others friendship, but we also respect each others family life, personal time, previous commitments, etc. In the beginning of one of these friendships I was having a grouchy day and one of my friends was starting to get on my nerves because she was/is quite the talker. I mentioned to my husband that I wasn't sure if she was the type of person I could deal with on a regular basis and he's the one who pointed out to me that I shouldn't be so critical about my "friends" and he was SO right. <br /><br />I'm sorry your "anonymous" reader is having a difficult time with her "friends". It amazes me every day how many crappy people there are in this world. I hope that things work out or that she can find some satisfying closure (pleasant or not). I've also had friendships fizzle out for unknown reasons and it's quite disconcerting.SLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01152509179318196160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-16118535793874038422007-01-16T09:56:00.000-05:002007-01-16T09:56:00.000-05:00It seems like we've all been through this at one t...It seems like we've all been through this at one time or another, and we've all encountered these toxic type of female relationships. <br />It's like A F said: some people just aren't in it for the right reasons.Monogram Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04395592127867073467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-75540652772582851752007-01-16T09:06:00.000-05:002007-01-16T09:06:00.000-05:00MM, that was such great advice! I feel like we sh...MM, that was such great advice! I feel like we should all bookmark that to reread whenever we need a little support in the case of a toxic friendship!Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13760184943460587237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-41605788941781634822007-01-16T08:18:00.000-05:002007-01-16T08:18:00.000-05:00I used to be a social worker with elderly people a...I used to be a social worker with elderly people and their families right out of college & grad school, and one piece of advice that really stuck from a 102-year-old woman was that you have to "sow your seeds where they will produce." (this was rural Alabama, after all!) What she meant was that it was pointless to spend time and energy on people who weren't in it for the right reasons. I think part of growing and maturing is realizing that we each have a lot to give, and that people who will be receptive are the ones who deserve to be close. Everyone else? Just be polite! I wish women could be kinder and more supportive of each other. Good advice MM!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-84632155111326610862007-01-16T02:30:00.000-05:002007-01-16T02:30:00.000-05:00well i liked your post.. this is so interesting......well i liked your post.. this is so interesting... u have given nice advice here.... u really got a clear view of true relationships... u can sometimes drop by <a href="http://www.friendshipblog.blogspot.com"> My Friendship Blog</a> as well... hope u find it interesting..!!!Emmiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16342189545205589284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-40200832375646011732007-01-15T22:18:00.000-05:002007-01-15T22:18:00.000-05:00I would be heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken if ...I would be heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken if I lost my two best friends that are here, or any of my good friends which I talk on the phone with. That would be horrible.SuburbanMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04402214954742247272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-80438811735296448402007-01-15T20:30:00.000-05:002007-01-15T20:30:00.000-05:00You go girl! I can say first hand you are going in...You go girl! I can say first hand you are going in the right direction. You are a jewel of a friend, rare and true. The future looks bright.Linger Longerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04821860266186935953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-9600374158209808692007-01-15T20:17:00.000-05:002007-01-15T20:17:00.000-05:00MM,
I read your post earlier today but didn't hav...MM, <br />I read your post earlier today but didn't have time to comment .. you hit the nail right on the head!! The "playground" does still exist & it amazes me, everyday that "adults" can act so awful to each other. I have had friends come & go - and all because they were shallow relationships that served a purpose somewhere along the way (like Susan said) - the true friendships/relationships are those that weather the storm .. no matter what!! It's those relationships that we need to cherish & invest in, because the reward is so great!! Sometimes it's not friends, but family that can turn on us - I can't even begin to go down that road, but again, people cease to amaze me on a daily basis. My quote in my high-school yearbook was: "friends are hard to find, hard to leave & impossible to forget" - I don't have a lot of friends, but I do have TRUE friends that I know I can count on when I need them or they need me -<br /><br />MM - cheers to you, you said some fabulous words & they were honest & real :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-35098212048196875932007-01-15T19:38:00.000-05:002007-01-15T19:38:00.000-05:00Oh Susan, you too, my wonderful candle making frie...Oh Susan, you too, my wonderful candle making friend!<br /><br />Now, would you like a decaf or caf? Coffee's on my tomorrow morning ;-)Monogram Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04395592127867073467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-22815319564468895482007-01-15T19:19:00.000-05:002007-01-15T19:19:00.000-05:00Dittos on BBW's sentiments. It may be age speaking...Dittos on BBW's sentiments. It may be age speaking, but life is too short and time is too valuable to waste it trying to get people to like me. I have local friends I see all the time, others that just sort of pass through and others I've known for years who will always be there for me and I for them: I just talked to such a friend after getting an e-mail telling me of a serious car accident in which her hubby was involved (he'll be ok, thank goodness) - I haven't spoken to her in person in ages, but the years melted away as we chatted along. Now those are friendships worth spending time on. Unfortunately, my daughter is trying to save everyone - I asked why she was friends with someone who was poison, but Allison replied that she was the antidote! I hope one day she'll learn that everyone can't be saved.BTW, MM, it's not quite the same as getting together for a coffee, but I love being your blog friend!Susan Denchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02546648461267406586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-79696225889271839082007-01-15T17:34:00.000-05:002007-01-15T17:34:00.000-05:00It is unfortunate how many women can be so cliquey...It is unfortunate how many women can be so cliquey and catty about their friendships. Sometimes I honestly think there are just a lot of women out there that just thrive on DRAMA, and sometimes they will just create it out of nothing and for no apparent reason. My husband will listen to me talk about my friends' drama sometimes and is astonished at the stupid, petty things we women will get upset at each other over. And its true! Probably why I enjoy my male friends so much. But nothing can substitute for a those rare girlfriends with whom you can share anything!Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565533233531393884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-14061320461985833272007-01-15T17:30:00.000-05:002007-01-15T17:30:00.000-05:00I just wanted to say that it is really hard to let...I just wanted to say that it is really hard to let go of friendships, but something that has helped me was realizing that not everyone has to be my lifelong friend. I HATE conflict and I HATE confrontation, but sometimes you just have to end a friendship if it is no longer healthy for you. If the relationship is making you constantly doubt yourself or compare yourself (and come up short), it's time to consider the fact that it might be time to end the relationship. I have had very important friendships with people that I am no longer friends with, and I think that these people were in my life for a season, and for a reason, and now that part of my life is over and there's no reason to beat myself up over ending a relationship that was no longer good for me. <br /><br />I don't know if that makes sense, but that's what I thought of as I was reading. I'm really sorry you are going through this!Bossy Bar-Wifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16731513817967579348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30386584.post-79251734930381322382007-01-15T16:41:00.000-05:002007-01-15T16:41:00.000-05:00Wow! Have I ever been there! It is just so sad t...Wow! Have I ever been there! It is just so sad that women treat each other so horribly. I believe in being there 100% for your friends and if they can't give you that in return then maybe its not all you thought it was to begin with. On another note, it is SO rewarding to find those great friendships, so keep looking, because you will find them!Cheap Preppyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08512287479022708540noreply@blogger.com